i've been alone all along (but you're still with me)
by murphysarc
Summary: Spoilers for the end of 5x14. Duke walks through the fog, and he meets someone who helps him make a choice he already knew the answer to. Past Duke/Jennifer and some Duke/Nathan tones.


**Summary: Duke walks through the fog, and then - then he makes a choice, but he doesn't do it alone. Spoilers for 5x14, possibly the most painful episode ever. Mostly because I was upset about the way it ended.**

He hears Audrey call his name one last time, and he can even sense Nathan's desperate look his way, but Duke doesn't stop. He just keeps walking until the fog literally engulfs him.

Half of him expects that this won't work, that this _isn't_ a Trouble, and that in two seconds he'll walk right back out of the fog and he'll have to give Audrey and Nathan a sheepish look and find some other way to skip town. But he knows that won't happen.

That's something he should be grateful for...right?

He thinks he's about halfway through when he sees her. She steps out of the shadows and strides towards him, more of her appearing the closer she gets. Fog surrounds him everywhere, and though there can't be much more distance between him and the other side of this barrier, she looks like she's miles away.

Duke stops, but she doesn't. She keeps coming, and coming, and coming, until she's standing right in front of him. "You're looking well," she says. Her voice is so soft, and yet so harsh. He knows that she means well with that, though.

"I could say the same for you," he says. A year ago, he never thought he'd be this cool and collected, or better yet, this solemn and serious. A year ago, given this situation - that he meets her surrounded by a fog Trouble that only he can pass through - he would've seen himself cracking jokes, or smiling, or just being the happiest man alive. But now, now that he knows this situation shouldn't have happened, that this is _all his fault..._ he can't imagine being happy again.

It doesn't matter. It's better to be by himself. Duke knows he should tell her that, tell her to leave him alone because it's his fault she's here anyways. But he doesn't. He can't.

"I guess so," she replies, smiling. Her hair bounces as she takes another step towards him. "Considering, you know, _this._ " She pauses. It feels like an eternity. "So. Why are you here, Duke?"

"Why am I here?" he asks, recoiling a little. She reaches out to touch him but he steps away. "I'm here because I ruined my town and the lives of the only people I care about. Including yours, you know. But I have a feeling you already knew that. Why are _you_ here, Jennifer?"

It feels weird to say her name, but it comes naturally out of his mouth. Duke misses the way her name makes him feel safe.

"You're dead," he continues. Suddenly, the feeling of safety slips away. "You died, whether from opening the gate or drowning afterwards I don't know, but you are dead, Jennifer, and I miss you so much but that can't change, not even in Haven." He shudders a bit, as he thinks of the Trouble that brought his dead father back for a time, but he doesn't voice that.

"I'm not here because of a Trouble, even though there are a lot of new ones," Jennifer says, though Duke already knew that. "I'm here because you want me here."

"What does that even mean?" he asks, his voice raising, his arms flying out in a gesture of 'what-do-you-want-me-to-do.' "What, you're some mystical voice in my head taking a form to tell me something I already know?"

"No," she says. "Only hours ago, your body was dying because of how many Troubles were inside of it. Then, you had some Trouble-induced seizure, you pushed thousands of Troubles out of your body at a rapid rate. You're starved, dehydrated, and your emotional stress isn't helping either. I'm just a hallucination. You should probably drink some water, or something, and I'd go away."

"Oh," Duke says, somewhat defeated. "You're just a hallucination? Not Trouble-induced? Just a normal, run-of-the-mill hallucination?"

"Well, Duke, hallucinations aren't exactly run-of-the-mill. It probably means something is wrong."

"Yeah, alright. Fair point." He doesn't tell her - it - that he misses her, even though he does. "I have to go, so. Goodbye?" He takes a step to move farther out of the fog. If he squints, he thinks he can see sunlight coming in from the other side of the barrier.

"No, you don't." Duke stops moving, rolls his eyes, and looks back at Jennifer.

"And what is that supposed to mean?"

"Didn't you say, earlier, that I was here to tell you something I already knew? Well, this is it. You don't want to go. You want to stay, more than anything, but you feel like you're more than a threat than an asset to Haven and you feel like it would be too selfish for you to stay."

"Well, yeah," he says. "Of course. I know that. After all, you are created from me."

"But that's not the way to think about it," Jennifer says. The look she's giving him looks so similar to the way the real Jennifer used to look at him, but it isn't exactly the same. Duke almost laughs, but he guesses it's because he can't quite remember the way she looked at all anymore.

"I don't have time for this," he says.

"Yes, you do," she argues, stepping closer to him. She does touch his arm, this time.

"It's probably bad that I can feel you, isn't it?" he whispers quietly. He _is_ really tired, but still.

Jennifer chooses to ignore him and continues. "Remember when Audrey first found out she was immune to the Troubles? She used it to her advantage and in most cases she was the _only person_ who could help other Troubled people. Now, you're in her position."

"So what? I'm immune to a select few Troubles."

"You're immune to almost all the Troubles," she says, "and now Audrey isn't. Do you realize what kind of a help that is?"

"I wouldn't need to help if I hadn't caused all this in the first place."

"You didn't cause it!" she cries, locking eyes with him. Her glare is ice cold, and yet warm. "You had it happen to you. A terrible thing happened to you but you have a chance to help other people now."

He can't look at her properly. "I," he begins, but he can't finish. His throat is too dry, and it isn't because of the dehydration.

"You need to stay," she whispers. "But you already knew that."

He just nods.

In a few seconds, Duke looks back up, but Jennifer is gone.

He looks ahead of him. It's definitely sunlight coming in from the other side, and he knows in about five steps he is out of the fog barrier and he can go right back to the real world and never look back. But then he thinks of Audrey, and Nathan, hell, even Dwight. He thinks of everyone else in Haven that he would leave.

He thinks of all the wrongs that he has ever done, and though they are all tied to that town, he can't leave it now. With one last look, Duke turns around and walks back out of the fog.

Audrey and Nathan are still standing by their truck, both with pained expressions on their faces. Well, Nathan's face is always pained, but more so than usual. Duke doesn't say anything. They haven't noticed him, either - he can just walk back through the barrier and pretend this never happened.

But he doesn't. He stands there, and he waits, until Nathan turns around.

"Duke?" Nathan sounds quiet, and distant, as if he's scared that Duke's a hallucination, or something weird like that. Audrey looks up, and when she sees him, her face brightens considerably.

They're both walking towards him, then, running almost, and it's that that Duke can't take. He looks at both of them, their happy expressions, their cheerful demeanour, all because he's there. Why? Why would they? He's caused them, and the town, so much pain and hurt. It would be better for them both if he wasn't there, if he'd never had anything to do with them. And yet, they're happy he's there. He doesn't deserve them. He doesn't -

"Duke?" That's Nathan. He's stopped in his tracks, and so has Audrey, not far behind him. At least, he thinks she's not far behind him, but he can't really tell. His vision is blurry. Not because he's tired, or dehydrated, or because his body has been through hell in the past twenty-four hours, but just because he's crying.

He hasn't cried since Jennifer, but now he's crying. Everything was finally just too much, and now, he's crying.

"Duke," Nathan says, softly, and suddenly the taller man is standing right beside him. Arms wrap around him, pulling him closer. Duke lets himself dissolve into Nathan, letting sobs wrack the body Nathan holds still.

"I'm sorry," Duke chokes out. "I'm so sorry."

"Come on," Nathan says, his voice even more sympathetic and emotional than the one he uses with Audrey. "You were on death's door, remember? You need rest."

Duke just lets Nathan support him as they slowly make their way to the truck. Audrey opens the door for him, but she gets in the front to drive, and Nathan sits next to him. He's still crying. He's not sure he'll ever stop.

Nathan wraps his arm around Duke, a solid show of support even though Duke knows he can't feel it. For some reason, that makes it mean more. "You're going to be okay," he whispers.

Duke just nods. He knew that already.


End file.
